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Seandainya Khadijah Ikut Women March

WOMEN March adalah perayaan tahunan internasional. Para perempuan biasanya turun ke jalan dan berorasi menyuarakan ketertindasan yang dialaminya. Di negara berpenduduk mayoritas Muslim, perempuan kerap dituntut berjuang lebih keras karena situasinya lebih terpuruk.

Pernahkah Anda–umat Islam–membayangkan apa yang akan disampaikan Khadijah binti Khuwaylid, istri pertama Nabi Muhammad, seandainya ia ikut pawai dan berorasi di event itu? Saya percaya ia akan mengisahkan keluarga monogaminya dengan bangga.

Rumah tangga Nabi diimani sebagai bentuk ideal untuk diteladani. Namun pertanyaannya, rumah tangga yang mana? Selama hidupnya, Nabi mengalami dua model pernikahan; monogami dengan Khadijah dan poligini dengan setidaknya 9 perempuan pascawafatnya Khadijah.Monogami mereka berlangsung dua setengah kali lebih lama dari poligini, yakni 25 tahun, dan relatif tidak menimbulkan kontraksi domestik ketimbang poligini setelahnya.

Anehnya, monogami cenderung dianggap kurang ‘islami’. Poligini malah justru menikmati kemewahan panggung ajaran Islam. Bahkan, di sebuah wilayah di Jawa Timur, jumlah istri seorang tokoh agama berbanding lurus dengan kekeramatannya; semakin banyak istri, dianggap semakin berwibawa.

Sebagaimana kritisisme beberapa istri Nabi–Aisyah binti Abu Bakar, Ummu Salamah, Hafsah bint Umar, Safiyyah bin Huway maupun Zaynab bint Jahsy–monogami Nabi telah menempatkan Khadijah sebagai sosok perempuan yang tidak hanya punya determinasi tinggi, pandai, dan risk taker, namun ia juga dikenal tidak minder di ruang publik serta mampu menjaga kesetaraan relasi dengan pasangannya.

Ia berasal dari kalangan aristokrat yang mentereng. Buyutnya adalah Qusayy bin Kilab, penguasa Mekkah yang bertanggung jawab atas keberadaan Ka’bah era pra-Islam.

Khadijah bukanlah perempuan rumahan. Ia perempuan kaya yang menguasai lebih dari separuh bisnis di Mekkah. Menurut catatan Patricia Crone (2007), komoditas yang dipasarkan bermacam-macam, dari senjata, anggur (wine), tekstil hingga dupa. Dengan status sosial sedemikian mentereng, adalah wajar jika seandainya banyak laki-laki “selevel” yang berlomba-lomba mendapatkan janda ayu ini.

Awal Interaksi

Lantas, bagaimana keterlibatan Muhammad muda (MM) dalam bisnis Khadijah? Ini yang menarik. MM hidup dalam perwalian keluarga pas-pasan pamannya, Abu Thalib. Menurut Nafisah bint Munya (Umay), perempuan dekat Khadijah, sebagaimana dicatat Ibn Saad dalam al-Tabaqat al-Kabir, Abu Thalib menyarankan MM menemui Khadijah untuk meminta pekerjaan.

Khadijah menyetujuinya dan bahkan membayar MM dua kali lipat dari yang biasa diterima pegawai lain. Mungkin motif Khadijah menerima MM murni karena kebutuhan tenaga kerja, atau bisa jadi ia telah jatuh hati sejak awal.

Saya belum menemukan catatan manuver romantisnya selama mereka berelasi bisnis. Begitu juga dengan MM. Sangat mungkin MM menaruh respek tinggi terhadap bosnya. Atau, bisa jadi MM sadar posisi.

“Kalau pun toh gue suka, emang siapa sih gue? She is away of my league,” mungkin kira-kira begitu.

Mungkin tak banyak yang tahu bahwa MM pernah gagal beromantika. Harapannya mempersunting Fakhita, anak pamannya, kandas. Perempuan ini justru dikawinkan dengan Hubayra ibn Abi Wahb, laki-laki kaya dari klan Makhzum. MM sendiri menceritakan ini saat bertemu Nafisah bint Munya, mak comblang yang dikirim khusus Khadijah menemui MM.

“Aku belum ingin menikah,” jawab MM saat ditanya Nafisah alasan dibalik kesendiriannya.

“Seandainya sudah punya keinginan menikah, lalu ada perempuan terhormat, cantik dan kaya yang ingin melamarmu, gimana? tanya Nafisah.

“Siapa?”

“Bu Bos Khadijah,” jawab Nafisah pendek

“Heh? Mana mungkin?” jawab MM

“Jangan khawatir, aku akan mengaturnya,” kata Nafisah yang diiyakan MM, sebagaimana dicatat dalam Al-Tabaqat.

Atas jasa Nafisah, dua orang ini akhirnya bisa bertemu, dan tanpa sungkan Khadijah menyatakan perasaannya, seperti dicatat Yasin T. Al-Jibouri dalam Khadijah, Daughter of Khuwaylid, Wife of Prophet Muhammad.

O son of my uncle! I love you for your kinship with me, and for that you are ever in the center, not being a partisan among the people for this or for that. And I love you for your trustworthiness, and for the beauty of your character and the truth of your speech.

Ibnu Ishaq merekam,Khadijah kabarnya meminta maskawin unta sebanyak 20 ekor. Jumlah ini setara dengan akumulasi mahar 4 orang istri Nabi Muhammad selain Khadijah.Riwayat lain menyatakan maharnya ditambah 12 ons emas (Guillaume, 1978).

Bagi saya, ini bukanlah mahar yang murah. Malah secara kasat mata, ini menunjukkan dua hal; betapa tingginya “harga” seorang Khadijah, dan kesungguhan MM menikahi perempuan ini.

Yang barangkali menarik ditelusuri; jika MM bukan lelaki kaya, bagaimana mungkin ia mampu membayar mahar sebesar ini? Satu sumber menyatakan Abu Thalib, pamannya, merogoh kocek untuk membayarnya.

Namun sumber lain, seperti kitab Bihar al-Anwar, menyatakan Khadijah memberikan uang 4.000 dinar kepada MM sebelum perkawinan berlangsung. Apalagi MM juga kabarnya tinggal di rumah Khadijah setelah perkawinan. Bagi Anda yang memahami politik kekuasaan di level domestik, pasti akan paham kenapa keduanya mampu bermonogami.

Sangat mungkin ada semacam perjanjian diantara keduanya menyangkut apa yang boleh dan tidak boleh dilakukan oleh masing-masing. Termasuk larangan membagi cintanya(Leila Ahmed 1992, Mernissi 2011). Kabarnya, model perkawinan seperti ini juga diterapkan oleh orang tua MM (WR Smith 1907).

Kabut Intrik

Setelah urusan mahar selesai, Ibnu Saad menceritakan, keduanya dinikahkan oleh paman Khadijah, ‘Amr bin Asad. Namun Saad juga menceritakan versi dramatis perkawinan mereka, sebagaimana diperolehnya dari Khalid Ibn Khidash Ibn `ljlan, ayah Mu’tamir (Sulayman), Abu Mijlaz.

Verily the father of Khadijah was made to drink till he became drunk, then he called Muhammad and gave her in marriage. He (the narrator) said: He was dressed in a garment (hullah) so when he regained senses he said: What does this garment mean? They said: Your son-in-law Muhammad put on you this garment. He got angry and took his arms and the Hashimites on the other side also took their arms, and they said: We had no desire for that. Then they made a compromise. (Sachau-Wittwoch/Ibn Saad, 1905)

Cerita relatif sama juga diperoleh Saad dari sumber (sanad) lain, yakni dari gurunya, Muhammad ibn Umar ibn Waqid Al-Ashlami–meski kemudian Al-Waqid menganggap cerita ini palsu.

Jika cerita di atas benar, sangat mungkin ketidaksetujuan ayah Khadijah disebabkan status MM yang bisa dikatakan miskin dan tidak setara dengan Khadijah. Namun dari aspek lain, kengototan Khadijah agar bisa hidup bersama MM secara monogami merupakan simbol konfidensi perempuan masa lalu yang bisa dijadikan modal bagi perempuan muslim saat ini.

Demikian cerita Khadijah di Women March. Wallahu a’lam.

Aan Anshori

Kordinator Jaringan Islam Antidiskriminasi (JIAD), tengah nyantri di S2 Hukum Keluarga Islam Univ. Hasyim Asy'ari Tebuireng Jombang, twitter @aananshori

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Tentang Penulis

Aan Anshori

Kordinator Jaringan Islam Antidiskriminasi (JIAD), tengah nyantri di S2 Hukum Keluarga Islam Univ. Hasyim Asy'ari Tebuireng Jombang, twitter @aananshori

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