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NYUWUN sewu[1], boleh aku duduk di sini, kawan? Ah, terima kasih. Akhirnya aku bisa santai sejenak. Aku baru saja datang ke tempat ini, tepatnya siang tadi. Kau sendiri? Oh, sudah cukup lama berada di sini? Ya, ya…. Tentunya membosankan, itu terlihat jelas di wajahmu.

Perkenalkan, kulo[2] Warto. Apakah kau bekerja di rumah sakit ini? Karena kulihat seragam yang kau kenakan sungguh putih bersih, mengalahkan seragam yang dikenakan para petugas medis itu. Oh, jadi kau adalah petugas pengantar-jemput. Pekerjaan yang bagus. Kalau aku, saat ini sudah istirahat dari bekerja. Aku pensiunan karyawan swasta. Terakhir aku bekerja sebagai petugas keamanan di pabrik buku tulis.

Pabrik besar yang menghasilkan buku-buku berwarna-warni dan digemari anak-anak. Mereka dan orangtuanya akan mengantre dan berebut memilih buku dengan warna terindah. Dan mata bocah-bocah kecil itu akan berbinar dengan percikan semangat menyambut awal tahun pelajaran.

Ah, masa kanak-kanak. Terasa sudah jauh dan lama sekali. Bagai mengingat sesuatu yang sudah usang dan sunyi, dengan ingatan dan bayangan yang semakin samar. Di usiaku yang kini sudah hampir tujuh puluh lima, rasanya waktu berjalan di tempat. Lima tahun, sepuluh tahun, tak ada bedanya. Perubahan hanya tampak jelas ketika kita bercermin. Rambut yang memutih, bahu yang makin membungkuk, keriput yang makin nyata.

Cucuku ada dua. Tak banyak? Ya, karena anakku hanya seorang. Wanita. Tapi… Ah, kasihan sekali anakku itu. Sungguh ingin aku kembali pada saat dulu dia dilamar lelaki tak berotak itu. Lelaki yang hanya bermodalkan ayat-ayat Alkitab tetapi nyatanya penuh dusta. Kusampaikan padamu kawan, jangan pernah mudah percaya dengan mulut yang kerap membawa-bawa ayat suci dan Tuhannya. Selidiki lagi dan berulang kali. Siapa tahu dia seperti menantuku yang menjual agamanya demi kerakusan setan dalam dirinya.

Ah, sebetulnya aku tak ingin berkata-kata kasar. Tapi aku berkata apa adanya. Maaf, apakah kau tergganggu, kawan? Tidak? Baiklah, akan kulanjutkan kisahku.

Kau tahu, menantuku tak lebih dari parasit. Menyiksa anakku, merenggut istriku, menghisap sari-sari kehidupan kami. Sebetulnya aku juga tak bisa menyalahkan dia. Istriku yang cantik itu, sebetulnya bodoh. Kebodohan yang membuatnya tak bisa berpikir jernih dan ceroboh. Begitu mudah dia percaya pada bualan menantuku. Hanya karena menantuku menjual predikatnya sebagai dosen yang akan berangkat melanjutkan studi ke tanah Amerika, dalam hitungan detik, istriku jatuh hati. Huh! Itulah kelemahan wanita, mudah sekali percaya kata-kata.

Dan sejak istriku membuka pintu rumah untuk menantuku, sejak saat itulah keluarga kami menuju kehancuran. Perlahan tapi pasti. Hingga sekarang.

Apa? Pernikahan sederhana? Ah, kau salah kawan. Karena anakku hanya semata wayang, tentunya kami menyelenggarakan pesta pernikahan besar-besaran. Kami sewa aula pertemuan di sebuah hotel bintang empat di bilangan Slamet Riyadi.

Kami bahkan memesan beberapa kamar untuk tiga hari, ditambah satu kamar super besar untuk mereka berbulan madu. Entah apa nama tipe kamar itu, yang jelas lebih luas dari rumahku sendiri. Habis-habisan, tentunya. Dengan harapan tak lama lagi anak tersayang kami akan menerima lembaran dolar yang memampang wajah Paman Sam. Sungguh mimpi yang rasanya sungguh nyata saat itu.

Bulan-bulan pertama pernikahan, semua tampak menyenangkan. Dusta perlahan mulai terkuak ketika menantuku tak kunjung berangkat ke negeri yang sering dilantangkannya itu. Banyak sudah alasan yang diucap menantuku untuk menutupi kebohongannya.

Sampai pada tahun berikutnya ia malah lebih banyak tidur di rumah daripada pergi mengajar. Kilahnya, tak ada kelas. Entahlah, aku memang dungu. Aku tak pernah duduk di bangku kuliah. Tapi hei, betulkah perguruan tinggi sering kehabisan kelas? Kuharap kau bisa menjelaskannya padaku.

Tentu kawan, tentu. Istriku kecewa. Begitu mendengar kenyataan menantuku urung berangkat ke luar negeri, ia mulai redup. Katanya, ia malu pada tetangga. Mendung mulai sering menghiasi wajahnya, laksana awan gelap yang terus menggantung di sudut keriput matanya.

Tak hanya itu saja. Seperti mencium bau busuk yang mulai terendus dengan jelas, istriku dihinggapi rasa khawatir yang membuat penyakit maagnya kambuh. Kami harus bolak-balik mengantarnya berobat ke dokter.

Tak cukup sampai di situ. Situasi menjadi semakin buruk ketika di suatu siang dua orang preman berbadan kekar menendang pintu rumah kami. Badan mereka tinggi besar dengan bekas-bekas luka dan tato di sekujur tubuh. Otot-otot di lengan mereka seakan memberi isyarat kalau mereka mampu mematahkan batang leher kami hanya dengan sekali hantam.

Di siang hari yang sepi itu, mereka menghamburkan ancaman pada anak dan istriku. Menantuku berhutang ratusan juta, itulah kenyataan yang mereka sampaikan. Dan kami diminta melunasinya hanya dalam waktu satu bulan.

Istri dan anakku memohon ampun bersujud di kaki kedua preman itu sambil menahan malu. Berpasang-pasang mata tetangga telah mengintip dari balik jendela rumah di sekitar kami. Mereka mengawasi, memastikan kami baik-baik saja, tetapi sekaligus akan bergunjing dalam bisikan tak berujung.

Apa yang bisa kulakukan? Tak banyak selain kembali menekuk lutut memohon ampun ketika preman itu datang kembali. Aku mulai belajar menggulung rasa malu dan sakit hati. Kau tahu kenapa? Karena setelah kejadian itu, menantuku menghilang bagai ditelan bumi. Ia telantarkan anak dan istrinya, dan juga kami.

Ah, pahit sekali rasanya mengenang semua itu. Maaf, kawan, baru kali ini aku tak mampu menahan air mataku. Tapi kuharap ini adalah tangisan pertama dan terakhirku, aku berjanji. Sesungguhnya aku tak pernah mampu mengingat kembali ke masa itu.

Seperti memijakkan kaki di lorong waktu yang hanya menguarkan bau obat-obatan yang membuatku mual. Dan jika aku berjalan di dalamnya, dinding lorong akan berputar-putar, menampilkan bayangan istriku; dari yang gemuk hingga susut, dari yang bermata cerah jernih hingga cekung hitam kehijauan, dari yang berambut tebal bagai arang hingga rontok menipis tanpa ampun. Dan di ujung lorong itu, aku melihat sosoknya saat terakhir ia berbisik di telingaku dengan senyum yang masih tersungging cantik. Katanya, “Maafkan aku….,”

Hei, bisakah kau ambilkan tisu di meja perawat itu? Ah, terima kasih. Kau sungguh baik sekali. Dan bolehkan kulanjutkan ceritaku? Terima kasih sekali lagi, kawan. Hatimu bagai malaikat.

Menantuku menunjukkan batang hidungnya setelah istriku tiada. Ia datang menunduk-nunduk, persis cecunguk. Anak dan cucuku yang sudah sekian lama menahan rindu seakan melupakan dosa-dosanya. Mereka berpelukan dan saling menghamburkan kecupan persis di pintu gerbang rumahku.

Aku sendiri… Jujur, aku sendiri rasanya ingin mengusirnya jauh-jauh. Kalau perlu saat itu kutendang pantatnya dan kutempeleng kepalanya. Tapi tentu tidak kulakukan. Aku menahan diri demi melihat anak dan cucuku yang seperti berdansa di tengah guyuran hujan setelah bertahun-tahun dilanda kemarau panjang.

Apa? Keadaan membaik? Tidak, tidak… Tebakanmu keliru, kawan. Walaupun menantuku kembali hadir mengisi rumah dan menghangatkan hati anak-cucuku, tak berarti damai ikut menyelimuti. Ia, menantuku yang keparat itu, tetap menjadi pengangguran. Dan anakku, si cantik berambut ikal yang malang itu, masih harus pergi subuh-pulang larut malam demi sepiring nasi terhidang di tengah-tengah kami.

Keadaan tak banyak berubah hingga masa kerjaku berakhir. Pabrik buku membekali aku uang pensiun yang dimasukkan ke dalam amplop coklat persegi panjang, beberapa paket buku tulis, dan sebingkai plakat sebagai kenang-kenangan.

Uang pensiun habis dalam hitungan bulan. Buku tulis segera diboyong cucuku ke sekolah. Tinggallah plakat yang bertengger manis di lemari buku, tepat di sebelah foto mendiang istriku. Sekali waktu kupandangi bingkai bening menyerupai kristal itu untuk mengenang masa indah ketika dulu, hampir lima puluh tahun yang lalu, kuhabiskan gaji pertamaku untuk meminang gadis cantik yang membuatku tak bisa tidur dan tak enak makan.

Malam itu, setelah kuutarakan isi hatiku padanya, ia hanya menunduk dengan senyum malu-malu. Senyum yang sama ketika ia berjalan perlahan menghampiriku di altar gereja. Ah, jika kau melihat senyum manisnya saat itu, kawan, aku yakin sekali kaupun akan jatuh cinta padanya.

Kalau saja aku boleh memilih, aku hanya ingin menjalani kehidupan pensiun seperti Pak Jarwo, tetangga depan rumahku. Kulihat masa pensiunnya cukupan[3]. Tidak lebih, tidak kurang. Tiap pagi ia dan istrinya menimang cucu, nembang[4], sowan[5] dan bersenda gurau, atau sesekali datang ke acara-acara reuni sambil membetulkan gigi palsunya dan menyisir rambut yang tinggal beberapa helai.

Seminggu sekali anak-anaknya berkunjung dengan tangan yang kerepotan membawa kantong berisi kue serabi, martabak, atau sate Madura. Tak lupa tiap akhir bulan mereka akan meninggalkan amplop putih di atas meja rias si Ibu atau di atas meja kerja si Bapak untuk sangu jajan.

Tapi rupanya itu semua hanya mimpi. Aku cukup tahu diri, keberuntungan memang enggan menyapaku. Tak seperti ke Pak Jarwo yang senantiasa sumringah dan dapat menikmati segarnya udara pagi, aku hanya mampu bercakap-cakap sekadarnya karena harus segera bergulat di atas motor untuk mengantar-jemput anak-cucuku. Dan jika kulihat menantuku masih berada di balik selimutnya, tensi darahku perlahan akan merambat naik, terus…dan terus…hingga beberapa waktu belakangan ini tensiku tak kurang dari 140.

Kau tahu, kawan. Jantungku sudah tua dan usang. Sudah sekian lama ia mengembang dan mengempis. Kecepatan denyutnya tak mampu mengimbangi darahku yang ingin berlari kencang tiap kali bersitatap dengan lelaki brengsek itu. Hingga saat kemarin sepulang aku menjemput cucu di sekolah, napasku terasa sesak.

Nyeri tak tertahankan di dada ini hingga sepertinya aku tak sadarkan diri. Aku sendiri tak tahu menahu hingga di sinilah aku berada. Hingga di detik ini kita berkenalan dan bercengkerama.

Hei, kulihat kau sudah bosan dan mengantuk mendengar ocehanku. Maafkan orangtua ini, kawan. Sudah lama sekali memang aku tidak berkeluh kesah. Tidak mengapa? Ah, terima kasih. Kau sungguh baik sekali. Tapi hei…

Aku seperti mencium harum yang sangat kukenal. Harum apa ini? Harum buku tulis? Kau jangan meledekku. Sungguh aku tak bergurau. Ini adalah bau harum yang mengingatkanku akan deretan anggrek yang pernah bermekaran di halaman rumah.

Ya, aku ingat sekarang. Ini adalah harum tubuh mendiang istriku. Ia selalu menyemprotkan minyak wangi beraroma vanila bercampur kayu manis di tengkuknya sebelum ia menyapa anggrek-anggreknya. Atau ketika ia akan pergi ke gereja bersamaku di Minggu pagi. Aku takkan pernah lupa harum tubuhnya.

Di saat terakhir, botol minyak wangi yang masih berisi setengah itu kusampirkan persis di sebelah tubuhnya yang telah terbujur kaku di dalam peti. Ia masih tampak menawan dalam balutan kebaya merah, serasi dengan lipstik yang saat itu disapukan ke bibirnya. Bagiku, ia masih tampak seperti dulu, saat ia berjalan perlahan di altar gereja, menghampiriku.

Apa? Kau bilang ia akan datang setelah matahari terbenam? Ia akan menjemputku? Kau jangan meledekku lagi, kawan. Ini tak lucu. Oh, betulkah? Tapi mengapa tak kau katakan sedari tadi? Kau tahu, aku sungguh rindu padanya. Sungguh, kawan, aku ingin kembali memeluk dan melihat senyumnya.

Di salah satu lorong rumah sakit, seorang wanita muda terisak. Rosario biru tua tersemat di jemarinya. Rambut ikalnya menutup sebagian wajah yang tak kunjung tengadah semenjak siang tadi.

Di luar, pendaran langit jingga melukis senja. Cahayanya berpendar, merayap melalui kisi-kisi dan jatuh tepat di pangkuan si wanita muda. Perlahan cahaya itu memudar, menghilang, dan berganti gelap.

Seorang lelaki keluar dari pintu ICU. Nafas berat yang dihelanya telah menyiratkan kabar yang tak perlu diurai dalam kata-kata. Si wanita muda mencoba bangkit. Bibirnya bergetar.

Lelaki itu menggeleng lemah. Wanita muda itu pingsan.

 

Jakarta, 29 Nopember 2016

[1] Permisi

[2] Saya

[3] Sedang

[4] Nyanyi

[5] Berkunjung

Avatar

Gita Anggraini

Seorang pekerja keuangan yang hobi mengeksplor hal-hal baru

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