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Solidaritas yang Membuka Mata

Sumber Foto: sheologians.com
Sumber Foto: sheologians.com

Beberapa waktu belakangan ini saya mengalami semacam apa yang dikatakan oleh Elena Ferrante yang ditulis di kolom mingguan The Guardian.

Ferrante mengatakan, “Even today, after a century of feminism, we can’t fully be ourselves”

Menyadari satu hal, hingga hari ini tidak ada perempuan yang tidak melakukan usaha besar dalam hidupnya untuk bertahan dalam satu hari. Perempuan yang kaya atau miskin, berpendidikan atau tidak berpendidikan, cantik atau jelek, terkenal atau tidak terkenal, berpasangan atau single, pekerja atau pengangguran, memiliki anak ataupun tidak memiliki anak.

***

SUATU malam, seorang perempuan yang masih menjadi mahasiswa semester dua di salah satu Universitas di Jakarta berselancar di sosial media, instagram. Dia lalu mengamati salah satu postingan temannya yang berisi kisah-kisah korban Kekerasan dalam Pacaran (KDP); perselingkuhan.

Si perempuan ini cengar-cengir sembari menertawakan sang perempuan pemosting. Dia menganggap jika apa yang dilakukan perempuan pemosting itu adalah sesuatu yang sangat lucu. Si perempuan mengetahui jika pacar sang perempuan pemosting juga sedang berselingkuh dengan banyak wanita sekaligus.

Saat itu si perempuan hanya memilih diam dan menertawainya. Dalam hati bahkan ia berkata, “Percuma ya memperjungkan hak perempuan lain, tapi ia sendiri tidak sadar telah dimanipulasi oleh pasangan sendiri. Dia sendiri tidak bisa memperjuangkan dirinya,” ucapnya dalam hati tanpa empati.

Postingannya itu kemudian dikirimkan kepada teman si perempuan, tentu sambil melanjutkan tertawaan “Dia tidak sadar kalau pacarnya sendiri selingkuh, lucu banget ya,” kami menyepakati bahwa perempuan pemosting ini tidak bisa memperjuangkan haknya sendiri.  Bahkan disaat dia berkoar-koar membela hak perempuan lain.

Keesokan harinya, perempuan pemosting ini menghubungi si perempuan, dia mengatakan kalau pacarnya menyelingkuhinya lagi. Kata-katanya ini mengagetkan si perempuan.

Saat itu juga si perempuan meminta maaf kepadanya, menyadari bahwa kemarin dirinya memilih menertawainya dibandingkan memberitahu kebenaran yang ada. Perasaan bersalah menggerogoti si perempuan, apalagi, saat perempuan pemosting yang menjadi korban perselingkuhan ini adalah seorang pengidap PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). Yakni, sejenis trauma yang diderita karena adanya kejadian masa lalu yang mengguncang, menakutkan, dan berbahaya dalam hidupnya. Penyakit ini sangat rentan dengan resiko bunuh diri dan putus asa dalam hidup.

Apa lacur, si perempuan telah membiarkan satu orang perempuan menderita lagi, terancam dalam hidupnya, hingga sempat berkeputusan untuk bunuh diri. Saat si perempuan pemosting berjuang untuk hidup, bahkan untuk sekedar berani memejamkan matanya, ada perempuan lain yang tertawa, tak berempati, dan memilih ogah-ogahan untuk peduli.

Di saat si perempuan pemosting menyadari telah ditertawakan dan dibohongi oleh si perempuan. Hati si perempuan pemosting semakin hancur. Namun alih-alih memarahinya, perempuan pemosting justru memberikannya edukasi bahwa perempuan harus bersolidaritas agar tidak ada korban lagi seperti yang telah dialaminya.

Di saat yang sama perempuan itu menyadari satu hal lagi bahwa terlalu banyak perempuan yang tidak mau bersolidaritas, persis seperti dirinya di masa lalu. Dia mendapatkan karma saat mengajak seorang temannya lagi untuk setidaknya menyadari bahwa dia telah dijadikan korban dominasi kuasa laki-laki.

Si perempuan justru mendapatkan serangan balik, orang-orang di sekelilingnya bahkan menganggap si perempuan tidak berempati kepada sesama perempuan dan memelihara kebencian kepada laki-laki yang khilaf telah berselingkuh. Bahkan perempuan yang ingin ditolongnya menganggap si perempuan sedang tidak berada di pihaknya.

Tetapi dia merasa harus semakin dekat dengan semua perempuan, karena satu alasan atau alasan yang lainnya. Sekalipun si perempuan tahu ada banyak sekali perempuan yang jahat kepada sesamanya perempuan. Tapi bagaimanapun si perempuan memilih untuk tetap berada di pihak perempuan. Sebagaimana perempuan pemosting berada di pihak si perempuan yang telah menertawai dan tak mempedulikannya.

Si perempuan terus berproses menyembuhkan diri dari laki-laki yang memanfaatkannya di masa lalu. Si perempuan memilih untuk melakukan proses healing treatmennya dengan terus menulis. Si perempuan percaya jika menulis adalah cara terbaik untuk menyembuhkan diri dari patah hati, dendam, dan kebencian sekalipun orang-orang memandang itu sebagai serangan yang terus diumbarkannya.

Bersamaan dengan itu, si perempuan ini terus mencari tahu pelajaran gender di kampusnya dan di lingkungan di mana dia bisa mendapatkannya. Dia menyadari telah melakukan kesalahan besar di masa lalu dan berusaha menebusnya dengan belajar.

Dalam proses belajarnya, kesalahan demi kesalahan masih tetap dilakukannya. Pertama, saat si perempuan memberikan kata-kata yang kasar dan tidak pantas kepada korban Kekerasan dalam Pacaran (KDP). Kedua, yakni sikapnya yang tidak memahami perspektif gender setiap perempuan berbeda, sehingga butuh perlakuan yang berbeda juga saat meluruskan pemahaman orang.

Bahwa, si perempuan menganggap itu sebagai proses belajar yang tidak pernah berhenti dalam hidupnya sampai ajal menjemputnya.

Kini si perempuan itu berjanji untuk tidak menertawai perempuan lain yang sedang berjuang menyelesaikan hidupnya hari itu, dan si perempuan itu bernama Ais Nurbiyah Al-Jum’ah.

Ais Nurbiyah Al-Jum’ah

Ukhti Garis Seberang.

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Ais Nurbiyah Al-Jum’ah

Ukhti Garis Seberang.

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