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Putri Ayako dan Pernikahan Yang Rasional

Ilustrasi: Luki Ahmadi Hari Wardoyo

Akhir Oktober 2018 lalu Jepang merayakan “royal wedding” antara Putri Ayako dan Kei Moira. Yang menarik adalah Ayako adalah anggota keluarga kekaisaran Jepang dan Kei bukan. Mengikuti hukum yang berlaku dalam kekaisaran Jepang, maka Putri Ayako harus memilih, melepaskan hubungan dengan Kei atau menikah dengan rakyat biasa dan menanggalkan gelar anggota keluarga kekaisaran. Dan ya, Ayako memilih yang kedua. Dia rela melepaskan semua hak istimewa sebagai keluarga kaisar. Menyitir dari Film Frozen, “what an act of true love.”

Indah memang, namun Putri Ayako bukan yang pertama melakukannya. Putri Sayako melepaskan gelar keluarga kaisar tahun 2005 dan Putri Mako melakukan hal yang sama pada tahun 2017 lalu. Hukum yang mengikat di Kekaisaran Jepang adalah ketika anggota keluarga kerajaan perempuan menikah dengan rakyat biasa, maka dia harus melepaskan gelar bangsawannya sebagai anggota keluarga kaisar. Namun hal ini tdak berlaku bagi anggota keluarga kerajaan laki-laki. Di samping itu posisi Kaisar Jepang hanya berhak dijabat oleh anggota keluarga kekaisaran laki-laki.

Dari sini pilihan ketiga putri tersebut dapat dipahami dari sudut pandang gender. Terlepas dari soal cinta, yang terlalu panjang dan kompleks untuk dijelaskan, pilihan ketiga putri kerajaan tersebut mengindikasikan apa yang disebut dengan gender role shifting. Perempuan Jepang telah sampai pada level kesadaran bahwa relasi gender yang baik adalah yang seimbang. Sehingga pilihan hidup terkait pernikahan sebagai hubungan antar gender harus diputuskan secara rasional.

Sayaka Kawamura dalam disertasinya yang berjudul Marriage In Japan: Attitudes, Intentions, And Perceived Barriers mencatat bahwa pernikahan adalah hal yang rasional di Jepang. Senada dengan paradigma kebudayaan barat, pernikahan adalah penanda kedewasaan seseorang. Perkara ini yang membuat pernikahan di Jepang, khususnya pada kalangan terdidik harus dipersiapkan secara matang. Dengan matang artinya siap dengan segala problematika dan tantangannya, termasuk pada titik ekstrem melepaskan gelar bangsawan seperti yang dilakukan Putri Ayako.

Dilihat dari latar belakangnya, Ayako adalah seorang yang terdidik. Dengan gelar master dibidang social welfare rasanya masuk akal jika Ayako ingin melakukan sesuatu yang nyata dan mengambangkan kualitas dirinya ditengah masyarakat. Tren ini marak terjadi di Jepang, dimana perempuan masuk ke ruang-ruang publik yang produktif. Seperti disampaikan Jihey Bae dalam tulisannya Gender Role Division in Japan and Korea: The Relationship between Realities and Attitudes, bahwa perempuan di Jepang merasa perlu untuk bersama-sama menanggung beban finansial dan sosial yang selama ini diasumsikan ditanggung laki-laki. Sehingga perempuan yang terlibat aktif di ruang publik jumlahnya terus meningkat.

Peningkatan ini juga disebabkan oleh makin meningkatnya jumlah perempuan yang mengenyam pendidikan tinggi di Jepang. Bahkan disalah satu rilisnya, National Institute for Educational Policy Research of Japan menyebut tidak ada lagi ketimpangan gender dalam akses terhadap pendidikan di Jepang. Bahkan pada tahun 2011 perempuan yang mengenyam pendidikan tinggi di Jepang berjumlah 55,9% dari total perempuan di Jepang. Anggaplah kita sepakat bahwa akses terhadap pendidikan tinggi akan makin memperkaya cara pandang seseorang terhadap realitas. Dengan lingkungan struktur informasi yang makin kaya, maka kecenderungan untuk memahami sesuatu secara rasional akan meningkat, tidak terkecuali mengenai pernikahan.

Ayako tidak berbeda dengan mayoritas perempuan di Jepang yang sedang mengikuti tren untuk berkontribusi di ruang publik. Dengan latar belakang pendidikan demikian mungkin jika dia tetap di lingkaran keluarga kerajaan dia tidak akan pernah menjadi sosok krusial, apalagi dia perempuan. Saya memang belum pernah berbincang dengan Putri Ayako secara langsung hehehe, namun cara pandang itu yang saya bayangkan terjadi dalam alam pemikiran Ayako. Pernikahan dalam bangunan kebudayaan Jepang modern itu rasional, harus dipikir matang-matang. Setelah menikah saya akan bla bla bla biar keluarga saya sejahtera, Apalagi saya paham ilmunya soal kesejahteraan sosial. Begitu mungkin yang dibayangkan Ayako sampai rela melepaskan gelar bangsawan beserta seluruh hak istimewanya.

Ayako boleh jadi berpendapat demikian, namun cara pikir itu tidak laku populer di Indonesia. Di sini, kata Mbah Sujiwo Tedjo menikah adalah nasib. Menikah itu bukan soal negosiasi kepentingan dan kalkulasi rasional seperti yang dijalankan Ayako, melainkan soal tuntutan sosial. Menikah dalam masyarakat kita adalah keniscayaan sosial, bukan hasil dari proses perenungan transedental dan pendewasaan mental. Ini potensial menjadi masalah sosial.

Dalam kasus Putri Mako, tahun 2017 pernikahannya diundur sampai urusan finansial calon mertua dengan klien bisnisnya selesai. Ini menjadi jaminan agar sang putri yang keluar dari istana tidak bermasalah dari segi finansial dan mampu membuat life-plan yang sistematis, karena pada dasarnya keluar dari istana harus siap dengan segala konsekuensinya. Di Jepang mungkin paradigmanya apa yang lebih indah dari pada kehidupan rumah tangga yang bahagia serta seimbang antara peran laki-laki dan perempuan. Tapi disini menjadi, apa yang lebih indah dari kehidupan rumah tangga yang bahagia di dalam rumah warisan.

Dias Pabyantara

Dosen HI UPNVJT

Peneliti Gender dan Globalisasi di IR-CGAS

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