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Minta Maaf Harusnya Personal, Bukan Masal!

Salah satu tradisi dalam menyambut rangkaian Ramadan dan Idul Fitri adalah saling meminta maaf antar teman maupun keluarga. Pada saat menyambut lebaran seperti sekarang biasanya pesan permintaan maaf mengandung kalimat doa agar semua lancar dalam melaksanakan ibadah di Bulan Ramadan sampai dengan Hari Raya Idul Fitri.

Memaafkan secara prinsip adalah jujur mengakui kelemahan diri, introspeksi dan mengamini bahwa sebagai seorang makhluk sosial, kita masih membutuhkan bantuan dari orang lain. Dengan catatan permintaan maafnya dilakukan secara sungguh-sungguh. Dengan intonasi suara yang rendah, mimik wajah yang ramah dan mungkin tubuh yang sedikit membungkuk.

Dalam tradisi Jawa dikenal adanya posisi sungkem sebagai wujud keseriusan dari pemohon maaf (biasanya yang lebih muda) kepada orang yang lebih tua. Jaman saya kecil di kampung halaman saya di salah satu kota santri, sungkem adalah keharusan dalam prosesi meminta maaf bagi kaum muda kepada orang yang lebih tua. Kepada orang tua, pakde, bude, mbah-mbah sungkem menjadi penanda penghormatan dari yang lebih muda.

Ajaran orang tua saya dulu kira-kira demikian kalimat yang diucapkan ketika sungkem sembari meminta maaf, “Nyuwun agunging pangapunten (pakde, bude, bapak, ibu, mbah dll), sedoyo kalepatan kulo mugi kerso dipun pangapunten.” (Mohon maaf sebesar-besarnya (pakde,bude dll), semoga semua kesalahan saya diberikan maaf).

Bagi saya ini pengalaman kultural yang personal. Meminta maaf yang baik adalah yang personal. Yang jamak akhir-akhir ini meminta maaf menjelang Ramadan atau Idul Fitri tidak lagi demikian. Sosial media bagi saya membuat ritual meminta maaf menjadi kosmetik saja dalam relasi sosial. Tidak terasa kedekatan, ketulusan maupun rasa personalnya.

Konektivitas melalui aplikasi chat maupun sosial media bagi saya telah mencerabut makna mendalam dari permintaan maaf. Cara orang meminta maaf melalui ruang chat biasanya menjadi sangat artifisial. Yang penting menulis permintaan maaf dari pada tidak pernah nongol digrup chat hehehe.

Pesannya juga biasanya dibuat secara masal dan dikirim begitu saja di ruang chat. Biasanya struktur pesannya begini, kalimat pembuka berupa salam atau kalimat Marhaban Ya Ramadhan, kemudian disusul dengan kalimat puitis dan ditutup dengan salam hormat Keluarga Fulan.

Saya yakin hampir semua orang yang tergabung dalam groupchat pernah menerima pesan demikian. Bagi saya cara mengirim teks permintaan maaf demikian sama sekali tidak ada nilainya. Tidak ada rasa personal yang dikesankan. Bahkan menyebut nama saja tidak! Yang begini katanya minta maaf? He he he.

Setiap kebudayaan punya tata caranya masing-masing, bagaimana bersikap terhadap orang yang lebih tua, bagaimana adab meminta maaf dan sebagainya. Namun satu yang bisa disepakati bersama adalah bahwa minta maaf akan bernilai emosional jika dilakukan dengan cara-cara yang personal.

Jikalau dirasa tidak mungkin bertemu, tidak masalah menggunakan media sosial tapi pesan yang disampaikan personal. Karena hubungan dengan pihak lain yang berharga untuk dimintai maaf pastilah ada pada level personal. Responnya haruslah personal.

Bagi saya pandangan orang-orang posmodern soal teknologi dan relasi antar manusia makin kesini makin susah dinegasikan. Teknolgi membuat manusia semakin tidak manusiawi, dalam konteks ini kehilangan nilai hubungan yang sifatnya personal. Di jaman yang serba instan, serba efisien dan serba cepat ini hampir tidak ada ruang untuk membangun hubungan yang ada pada kategori afeksi. Ketika bisa dilakukan dengan pengorbanan sesedikit mungkin, mengapa bersusah-susah?

Mungkin itu yang jadi pola pikir jamak masyarakat sosial media. Meminta maaf bisa dilakukan dengan cepat, efisien dan tidak banyak pengorbanan, melalui sosial media. Sekali ketik, kirim secara masal, habis perkara. Perkara dibalas atau tidak, pesan permintaan maafnya sampai atau tidak bukan tanggung jawab pengirim. Tanggung jawab itu ada pada pembaca, seperti kata Derrida.

Dalam banyak kasus malah pesan yang dikirim tidak dibaca sama sekali oleh yang dituju. Di salah satu grup yang kaitannya dengan pekerjaan, kolega saya mengirim pesan permintaan maaf yang sifatnya masal ke percakapan grup. Hasilnya dari puluhan orang yang ada di dalamnya, hanya empat orang yang membalas singkat  dengan amiiin. Padahal pesannya panjang, menggunakan kata-kata puitis dan ditutup dengan hormat kami keluarga Fulan.

Kan nyesek ya. Ibarat udah ngajar tiga sks sampe berbusa-busa mulutnya, begitu ditanya ada pertanyaan mahasiswa diam cengar-cengir.  Eh, atau dosennya malah seneng kalau enggak ada pertanyaan? Ah Sudahlah. Hehe

Ramadan kali ini menjadi momentum yang baik bagi kita semua untuk menghentikan praktik ini. Mari kita kembalikan permintaan maaf sebagai praktik sosial yang personal, intim dan spesial. Apa susahnya membuka setiap kontak chat yang anda anggap penting kemudian dikirim pesan permintaan maaf yang personal.

Kita tidak pernah tahu ujungnya kemana dari chat-chat sederhana itu. Bisa saja karena merasa diistimewakan teman-teman yang punya hutang segera melunasi. Atau ujungnya kepikiran bikin ide bisnis bareng. Atau akhirnya nyambung silaturahmi dengan teman lama melalui chat minta maaf personal sampai lanjut ke pernikahan. Kita tidak pernah tahu ujungnya. But that’s the beauty of apologize. Good Luck!

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Dias Pabyantara

Peneliti Gender dan Globalisasi
Center for Identity and Urban Studies (CENTRIUS)

46 comments

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Dias Pabyantara

Peneliti Gender dan Globalisasi
Center for Identity and Urban Studies (CENTRIUS)

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