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Beratnya Jadi Laki-Laki

Ilustrasi: Luki Ahmadi Hari Wardoyo

Menurut rilis dari Direktorat Jenderal Pemasyarakatan per Oktober tahun 2018 jumlah total narapidana yang tercatat pada Ditjen PAS adalah 167. 695 orang narapidana dewasa laki-laki (NDL) dan 10.013 orang narapidana dewasa perempuan (NDP). Jumlah keduanya berbeda sangat jauh jika dilihat secara kuantitas. Jumlah NDP sekitar 16 kali lipat jika dibanding jumlah total NDL diseluruh Indonesia. Pertanyaan kemudian mengapa laki-laki banyak menjadi pelaku kejahatan dibandingkan perempuan?

Dari sudut pandang studi gender hal ini bisa terjadi karena ekspekstasi peran sosial yang berlebihan terhadap laki-laki dan pada saat yang sama terjadi reduksi terhadap peran sosial perempuan dalam proses sosial. Laki-laki kerap dibebani dengan ekspektasi berlebihan dalam interaksi sosial sehingga memunculkan tuntutan terhadap laki-laki.

Dalam budaya populer misalnya, kencan antara laki-laki dan perempuan selalu digambarkan diakhiri dengan laki-laki yang bayarin dan perempuan tersipu malu karena dibayarin. Ini ada dihampir setiap budaya pop yang beredar disekeliling kita. FTV, sinetron, film hampir semua menampilkan kesan yang sama. Kecuali sinetron bertema azab tentunya. Ini jelas mengkhawatirkan, mengingat tontonan ini yang dikonsumsi masyarakat kita setiap hari.

Dalam budaya pop kita, penggambaran hubungan laki-laki dan calon mertua juga mengerikan. Apa dasarnya menjadikan martabak sebagai media penegas dominasi dan ekspektasi berlebihan terhadap laki-laki? Fun fact, tidak semua laki-laki mampu membelikan martabak untuk calon mertuanya setiap malam minggu.

Anggaplah harga martabak 30 ribu dikali 52 minggu setahun sampai 1,5 juta budget yang harus dikeluarkan untuk martabak saja. Barang yang potensial tidak dinikmati oleh gebetannya karena konstruksi kecantikan perempuan yang populer adalah kurus. Bayangkan mas-mas itu harus menyisihkan 120rb perbulan dari gajinya yang bisa jadi di bawah UMR, kan berat.

Fun Fact kedua, tidak semua orang tua yang mempunyai anak perempuan, menyukai martabak. Kadang-kadang ada tipe calon mertua yang tidak melihat dari kamu bawa, tapi dari kualitas dirimu. Ditemani ngobrol soal kebijakan luar negeri pemerintah saja sudah senang. Pacar anaknya bisa jelaskan secara runut bagaimana peluang tiap capres sudah dianggap keren dan rela anaknya diajak malam mingguan.

“Bapak enggak perlu martabak. Kalau kamu kasih martabak terus naik kolestrol bapak!” katanya.

Anggapan bahwa laki-laki harus mampu mentraktir dan perempuan yang harus ditraktir atau membawakan camer martabak untuk calon mantu laki-laki sudah sangat ketinggalan jaman. Jaman Orba mungkin iya, kalau kamu anggota PKK dan Dharma Wanita yang didoktrin posisinya pendamping laki-laki. Bukankah hubungan antar pasangan harusnya tidak saling memberatkan? Bukankah lebih indah kalau yang bayar adalah yang lagi punya rejeki lebih? Atau bayar sendiri-sendiri. Tapi kayaknya yang terakhir ini blas enggak ada romantis-romantisnya. Gantian ajalah, pasti lebih asik!

Contoh lain, jaman SD dulu gelanggang politik yang paling sakral bukan Pilpres atau Pileg, tapi “Pitulas” Pemilihan Ketua Kelas. Saya adalah contoh hidup bagaimana beratnya ekspektasi berlebihan terhadap laki-laki terjadi. Ceritanya jaman SD dulu ketua kelas dipilih berdasarkan ranking di kelas. Yang ranking 1 jadi ketua kelas, yang ranking 2 jadi wakil, yang ranking tiga jadi Ketua DPR bendahara dan seterusnya.

Saya yang masih lugu waktu itu blas enggak ada kepengenan untuk jadi ketua kelas. Gimana saya bisa main bola di kelas kalau saya yang bertugas menertibkan kelas, pikir saya. Di kelas 3 saya ranking kedua. Menurut aturan turun temurun yang berlaku di sekolah saya, harusnya yang ranking pertama yang jadi ketua kelas. Tapi kok kebetulan yang ranking satu perempuan, sebut saja Mawar.

Harusnya dia yang jadi ketua kelas, tapi wali kelas saya bilang kalau Mawar perempuan dan saya diangkat secara sepihak sebagai ketua kelas karena saya laki-laki sedangkan perempuan seperti Mawar ini tidak tegas. Ini kan ngaco, apa dasarnya ketua kelas harus laki-laki? Emang kalau perempuan jadi ketua kelas kenapa?

Begini ya, ketua kelas jaman SD itu sosok antagonis di kelas. Enggak asik banget. Saat yang lain rame ketua kelas harus menegur, bahkan nyatet namanya di kertas buat dikasih ke guru. Gak asik kan.

“Jangan renggut kebahagiaan masa kecil saya!” gumam saya saat itu.

Jelas saya waktu itu enggak minat lho jadi ketua kelas. Cuma karena saya laki-laki makanya saya harus begitu? Ini kan enggak adil, baik bagi saya maupun bagi si Mawar. Gara-gara patriarki, karir saya sebagai pemain bola di dalam kelas harus kandas! Bah! Si Mawar juga enggak bisa dapat haknya sebagai ketua kelas.

Kalau kondisi masyarakat kita demikian, sepertinya logis kalau laki-laki banyak menjadi pelaku kejahatan. Ekspektasi terhadap maskulinitas yang berlebihan menjadi dasarnya. Gimana kalau ternyata si mas-mas itu waktu mau ngapel gak punya duit buat traktir pasangannya atau beli martabak untuk camernya? Terus hutang sudah berbaris minta dilunasi?

Kejahatan potensial jadi pelarian. Poinnya adalah ekspektasi yang berlebihan terhadap performa salah satu gender adalah persoalan sistemik. Patriarki adalah masalah bersama karena dampaknya dirasakan oleh semuanya. Narasi bagaimana perempuan teropresi sering kita dengar, dan kita semua sepakat hal tersebut. Yang relatif jarang disuarakan adalah bagaimana patriarki sebagai sebuah episteme yang diskriminatif berdampak kepada maskulinitas dan feminitas. Gimana sudah cukup rasional? Kan laki-laki. Duh!

Dias Pabyantara

Peneliti Gender dan Globalisasi
Center for Identity and Urban Studies (CENTRIUS)

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    Here is wisdom. Let him who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man: His number is 666.”

    Referring to the last days, this could only be speaking of a cashless society, which we have yet to see, but are heading towards. Otherwise, we could still buy or sell without the mark amongst others if physical money was still currency. This Mark couldn’t be spiritual because the word references two different physical locations. If it was spiritual it would just say in the forehead. RFID microchip implant technology will be the future of a one world cashless society containing digital currency. It will be implanted in the right-hand or the forehead, and we cannot buy or sell without it. Revelation 13:11-18 tells us that a false prophet will arise on the world scene doing miracles before men, deceiving them to receive this Mark. Do not be deceived! We must grow strong in Jesus. AT ALL COSTS, DO NOT TAKE IT!

    “Then a third angel followed them, saying with a loud voice, “If anyone worships the beast and his image, and receives his mark on his forehead or on his hand, he himself shall also drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out full strength into the cup of His indignation. He shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels and in the presence of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment ascends forever and ever; and they have no rest day or night, who worship the beast and his image, and whoever receives the mark of his name” (Revelation 14:9-11).

    People have been saying the end is coming for many years, but we needed two key things. One, the Third Temple, and two, the technology for a cashless society to fulfill the prophecy of the Mark of the Beast.

    Visit http://WWW.BIBLEFREEDOM.COM to see proof for these things and why the Bible truly is the word of God!

    If you haven’t already, it is time to seek God with all your heart. Jesus loves you more than you could imagine. He wants to have a relationship with you and redeem you from your sins. Turn to Him and repent while there is still hope! This is forever…God bless!

    “EITHER HUMAN INTELLIGENCE ULTIMATELY OWES ITS ORIGIN TO MINDLESS MATTER OR THERE IS A CREATOR…” – JOHN LENNOX

    We all know God exists. Why? Because without Him, we couldn’t prove anything at all. Do we live our lives as if we cannot know anything? No. So why is God necessary? In order to know anything for certain, you would have to know everything, or have revelation from somebody who does. Who is capable of knowing everything? God. So to know anything, you would have to be God, or know God.

    A worldview without God cannot account for the uniformity and intelligibility of nature. And why is it that we can even reason that God is the best explanation for this if there is no God? We are given reason to know or reject God, but never to know that He does not exist.

    It has been calculated by Roger Penrose that the odds of the initial conditions for the big bang to produce the universe that we see to be a number so big, that we could put a zero on every particle in the universe, and even that would not be enough to use every zero. What are the odds that God created the universe? Odds are no such thing. Who of you would gamble your life on one coin flip?

    Is there evidence that the Bible is the truth? Yes. Did you know that the creation accounts listed in the book of Genesis are not only all correct, but are also in the correct chronological order? That the Bible doesn’t say the Earth was formed in six 24-hour days but rather six long but finite periods of time? That the Bible makes 10 times more creation claims than all major “holy” books combined with no contradictions, while these other books have errors in them? The Bible stood alone by concurring with the big bang saying, “In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth” (Genesis 1:1); and says our universe is expanding, thousands of years before scientists discovered these things. Watch a potential life-changing video on the website listed below with Astronomer(PhD) Hugh Ross explaining all these facts based on published scientific data. He has authored many books, backed even by atheist scientists.

    Jesus came to pay a debt that we could not; to be our legal justifier to reconcile us back to a Holy God; only if we are willing to receive Him: “For the wages of sin is death…” (Romans 6:23).

    God so loved the world that He gave us His only begotten son, so that whoever believes in Him, through faith, shall not perish, but have everlasting life. Jesus says if we wish to enter into life to keep the commands! The two greatest commands are to love God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind; and your neighbor as yourself. All the law hang on these commands. We must be born of and lead by the Holy Spirit, to be called children of God, to inherit the kingdom. If we are willing to humble ourselves in prayer to Jesus, to confess and forsake our sins, He is willing to give the Holy Spirit to those who keep asking of Him; giving us a new heart, leading us into all truth!

    Jesus came to free us from the bondage of sin. The everlasting fire was prepared for the devil and his angels due to disobedience to God’s law. If we do the same, what makes us any different than the devil? Jesus says unless we repent, we shall perish. For sin is the transgression of the law. We must walk in the Spirit so we may not fulfill the lusts of the flesh, being hatred, fornication, drunkenness and the like. Whoever practices such things will not inherit the kingdom (Galatians 5:16-26). If we sin, we may come before Jesus to ask for forgiveness (1 John 2:1-2). Evil thoughts are not sins, but rather temptations. It is not until these thoughts conceive and give birth by our own desires that they become sin (James 1:12-15). When we sin, we become in the likeness of the devil’s image, for he who sins is of the devil (1 John 3:8); but if we obey Jesus, in the image of God. For without holiness, we shall not see the Lord (Hebrews 12:14).

    The oldest religion in the world is holiness through faith (James 1:27). What religion did Adam and Eve follow before the fall? Jesus, Who became the last Adam, what religion does He follow? Is He not holy? He never told us to follow the rituals and traditions of man but to take up our cross and follow Him (Luke 9:23). There are many false doctrines being taught leading people astray. This is why we need the Holy Spirit for discernment. Unlike religion, holiness cannot be created. It is given to us from above by the baptism of the Spirit. Jesus is more than a religion; He is about having a personal relationship with the Father. Start by reading the Gospel of Matthew, to hear the words of God, to know His character and commandments. Follow and obey Jesus, for He is the way, the truth, and the life!

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